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What a year in an isolated cabin taught me about leadership

What a year in an isolated cabin taught me about leadership

Two big factors kicked in when I was 30 – I reached eleven years of intense meditation practice and I was intensely called to  dive into an overtly spiritual exploration. I started meditating at 19 as a survival strategy because I was kicked out of college and had to get my head screwed on right. So at 30 I left a great management job, shaved  my head,  sold  my  stuff,  bought  an  old  Ford  F100  and  drove  to  a  remote  property  in  New  Mexico  to  build  a  cabin.  I  built  a  625  square-foot  cabin  and, with a little help from my friends, spent a year in silent and isolated  meditation.  It was a year that changed my mind,  heart, and even career choice, but I’d like to go right to four insights I learned in isolation that are vital for every leader.

1.  It’s  easier  to  break  than  to  build

A friend of mine had an old structure down the hill and we agreed that if I demolish  the building, I can keep any salvageable  building materials.  Tearing down required almost no vision  or  planning, just a ten-pound sledge hammer  and  brute  force.  Breaking  takes  a  fraction  of  energy  required  for  building.  Building  my  cabin,  on  the  other  hand,  took  purpose,  vision,  planning,  execution,  energy,  and  consistency.

As  a  leader  you  must  stand  for  something,  reach  for  something,  build  something  –  you  have  to  create,  not  just  tear  down.  And  Purpose  is  the  first  step;  clear  purpose  gets  your  people  to  face  the  same  direction  and  build  together.  So,  what  are  you  building?  How  are  you  going  to  get  people  to  focus  in  the  same  direction?  What’s  your  vision,  your  unique  design  for  the  team  and  organization?  What  do  you  stand  for,  believe,  and  champion?

2. You  are  100%  responsible  for  your  life

I  was  shocked  when I realized that deep meditation wasn’t all peace and cosmic joy. When I encountered my demons,  complaints, and fears, I impulsively blamed my parents, old girlfriends, foes, and anyone I could.  But  when  I  realized  that  there  wasn’t  anyone  to  blame  for  my  current  state,  I  had  to  embrace  that  I  am  100%  responsible  for  my  experience.  I  finally  understood  Denis  Waitley’s  comment  that:  ͞”A  sign  of  wisdom  and  maturity  is  when  you  come  to  terms  with  the  realization  that  your  decisions  cause  your  rewards  and  consequences.  You  are  responsible  for  your  life,  and  your  ultimate  success  depends  on  the  choices  you  make.͟” 

I  see  leaders  who  don’t  take  responsibility,  blame  others,  and  fall  into  a  victim  mentality,  and  that  mind-set  limits  relationships,  ambitions,  and  achievements.  On  the  other  hand,  leaders  who  take  responsibility  empower  their  achievement,  convey  authority  to  their  people,  and  significantly  reduce  their  reliance  on  external  validation  and  praise.

So  stop  blaming  circumstances,  reject  the  victim  mind-set,  and  accept  that  ͞the  buck  stops  here.͟Regardless  of  your  level  of  management,  you  have  a  scope  of  authority,  and  your  effectiveness  is  proportionate  to  your  responsibility.  Your  decisions  are  what  you  stand  for,  and  what  you  stand  for  is  your  responsibility.  You  are  accountable.

3.  There’s  no  such  thing  as  a “self-made  man͟”

At  some  point  during  construction  I  realized  that  my  belief  that  I  was  a  self-made  man  was  BS.  I  didn’t  forge  my  tools,  or  weave  my  clothes,  or  write  the  manuals  I  studied  to  learn  how  to  frame  and  mud  and  lay  tile.  I  depended  on  countless  people,  both  known  and  unknown.  Heck,  even  Luke  Skywalker  had  R2-D2,  Han  Solo,  Princess  Leia,  and  Yoda,  Dorothy  had  Toto,  Tin  Man,  Cowardly  Lion,  and  Scarecrow,  and  King  Arthur  had  his  Knights  of  the  Round  Table.

The  paradox  of  leadership  is  that  you’re  both  part  of  and  apart  from  your  team.  So  abandon  the  notion  of  being  a  solitary  champion  who  alone  achieves  success;  this  will  destroy  your  ability  to  build  loyalty,  collaboration,  and  trust.  The  term  self-made  is  misleading.  Yes,  you  have  to  make  independent  and,  sometimes,  difficult  decisions.  But,  no,  you  don’t  have  to  exhaust  yourself  through  isolation.  The  most  persevering  leaders  establish  systems  and  relationships  that  promote  and  nurture  their  grit.  They  surround  themselves  with  allies  and  guides  that  provide  ideas,  insights,  emotional  support,  tools,  and  supportive  connections.

4.  Your  fear  defines  you

Zig  Ziglar,  Anthony  Robbins,  Brian  Tracy,  Tom  Hopkins,  and  other  motivational  teachers  convinced  me  that  my  life  would  be  unlimited  and  fully  realized  when  I  conquered  my  fears.  So  I  spent  my  20’s  conquering  fear:  scuba  diving  with  sharks,  skydiving,  walking  on  fire,  fasting  for  weeks,  bungee  jumping,  lying  in  sensory  deprivation  tanks,  and  confronting  my  parents.  While  my  confidence  grew,  to  this  day  I’m  not  fear-less.

As  a  leader,  heights  or  spiders  aren’t  the  issue;  fears  of  the  mind  and  heart  are  the  issue.  Leaders  share  fears  like,  ͞”I’ll  lose  credibility,͟”  or  ͞”If  I  say  something  stupid  people  will  lose  respect  for  me,͟”  and,  ͞”I  have  fear  of  failure,  so  I  delay  making  difficult  decisions  to  the  last  possible  minute.͟”

Fearlessness,  I  discovered,  is  an  immature  and  misguided  goal  and  not  the  objective  of  a  fully  realized  life;  the  objective  is  courage.  Fear  is  biological.  It  is  a  survival  imperative  so  deeply  woven  into  our  neural  system  that  it  practically  defines  what  it  means  to  be  alive.  Courage  simply  requires  that  you  recognize  and  acknowledge  your  fear  and  then  choose  to  move  toward  it.  To  be  courageous  is  to  walk  toward  what  you’d  rather  run  away  from.

I  left  the  cabin  not  because  I  ran  out  of  time,  but  because  I  realized  that  my  spiritual  evolution  was  going  to  be  accelerated  through  wife,  children,  and  professional  service.  I  returned  to  master  the  lessons  of  leadership  –being  connected,  communicative,  and  collaborative  and  balancing  ambition  with  wisdom  with  compassion.

______________

Eric  Kaufmann  has  coached  and  consulted  hundreds  of  leaders,  including  executives  and  teams  at  Sony,  T-Mobile,  Genentech,  Alcon  Labs,  and  Sunpower.  He  is  the  founder  and  president  of  Sagatica,  Inc.  and  the  author  of  the  forthcoming  book,  The  Four  Virtues  of  a  Leader:  Navigating  the  Hero’s  Journey  Through  Risk  to  Results  (Sounds  True,  September  2016).  Eric  lives  in  San  Diego,  CA,  where  he  is  a  Master  Scuba  Diving  Instructor  and  a  life-long  practitioner  of  Zen  Meditation.  For  more,  visit  www.sagatica.com.

 
Lynne Rine2019-03-28T22:00:08+00:00

We guide and teach executives to up-level personal voice and professional influence through Executive Coaching, Facilitation, Keynote Speaking, and Leadership Training.

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